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17 January 2020 @ 02:19 pm

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Some entrys will be public as of July 08, in order to help keep in touch with non lj-using friends. For access to it all you must be an lj-user.
06 June 2015 @ 04:18 am
I guess it had to come back to this, can one ever face the future without acknowledging the past?
Reading back through this will take a lifetime, for there are so many lifetimes openly shared as I lived them. The entry's stop in 2012.
I can not read back through a lot of this, it breaks my heart to see the things I did, to have those memories back.

I am the same girl who started this blog many years ago.
I am also very much not the same girl.

I don't know if anybody is on here anymore, most I have forgotten, or I had to let go of. A few will forever remain in my heart.

My name is LooLoo

Welcome to my world
09 May 2012 @ 01:32 am

It's been forever! Sorry about that, just a lot of shit to get through.
There was the acute renal failure (kidneys) thanks to me being devastated over loosing somebody - that was fun, 4 months of hospital followed by two months in the eating disorder clinic - my weight is stable (for now anyway) and my kidneys are working at about 80% which is as high as they can get them but I only do blood tests every week now.

Went to the country after hospital, I just needed to get away from all the doctors and expecting eyes of people that watched me get sick and where somewhat disappointed that I didn't get out of hospital fatter. It was nice, mum and I bouncing between Hamilton and warrni, I got a chance to start my 'maintenance' meal-plan around people I love and that didn't judge on the days I threw a fit and wouldn't eat.
It's funny I actually came out of hospital a health freak, total vegetarian soy junkie. I actually do boxing and spend two hours a day working out (not to burn fat but like in hospital, a lot of muscle building core strengthening work to keep my bones healthy and build back up my muscle) soon (if I keep myself well) I'll be able to take up Brett and Mel on the jujitsu offer. That's the funny thing about getting assaulted it motivates you to want to know how to protect yourself and others if ever the situation comes up again (let's hope it never does)

We got home yesterday in preparation for today's events, without going into detail it sucked and there was crying and then an hour and a half of yoga/cardio and I managed one meal (I think mum and I both expected this to tip me off the edge again food wise) but I decided to channel my hurt/despair/anger into more productive things.

I'll update again about how shit the EDclinic was and how amazing most of the girls are. But it's getting late and my hyper post workout buzz is wearing off and I should get to settling down for the night.

Oh btw- I have a new phone (same number 0438 137 202) but have lost all my contacts! So if you could msg me your numbers I would love that (cath especially you as I have not been able to get onto you sorry!)

Love to you all xo

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

27 March 2011 @ 07:54 pm
Two posts in one day, it might end up being three if I can get photobucket and my webcam to work together.
I had brown hair in the last entry yesterday it was blonde:

Today it is blue:
27 March 2011 @ 07:49 pm
I know it's been like 6 months but I'm back. I've missed you all. Things have been hard, little Daisy was diagnosed with cancer december 2009, in january 2011 it spread from her lungs, blood, bones, kidneys, liver, heart and to her brain. She went blind and spent two weeks on pain killers and sleeping pills before we decided that it was time to let her go. She was crying all night and we had to move all the furniture so she would not bump into it or get stuck in it. So febuary 4th we took her to the vets and they shaved her paw and put in a cathader and I held her head while they injected her and her head fell back. So Daisy this is for you.
If it should be I grow frail and weak and pain should wake me from my sleep then you must do what must be done for this last battle cant be won.
You will be sad I understand dont let your grief then stay your hand for this day more then all the rest your love and friendship stand the test.
We've had so many happy years what is to come will hold no fears, you'd not want me to suffer so when the time comes please let me go.
Take me where all my needs they'll tend and stay with me if you can to the end. Hold me firm and talk to me until my eyes no longer see.
I know in times you to will see it is a kidness you do for me, although my tail has last been waved from pain and suffering I've been saved.
Dont grieve that it should be for you who just decided this thing to do, we've been so close we two these years dont let your heart hold any tears.

Smile for we walked together for a little while.
08 November 2010 @ 01:05 pm
It's the aniversary of my dads death today
18 October 2010 @ 01:39 pm
I had a great birthday! I got to go home at 3pm and got back to the hospital just before midnight. I had just a few friends over, rattle, cath, James, Brett, mel and Katie, my mother and my grandparents where there. We talked and had pizza and cake and I drank a bottle of hippie wine :-p
it was fun I'll post some pics later.
17 May 2010 @ 06:40 pm
I'm sorry I have not posted in a while, I've been caught up in the trap that is the eating disorder. It's all I can think about, I've lost 6kilo (13pounds) now. I should be happy but I'm not, it's not enough. Nothing I do is good enough. I feel worthless. I wish all my doctors where not away. All of them are away the same week, even my cardiologist. I'm just having a bad day.
08 May 2010 @ 04:43 pm
So today Ben, Bec and I went to the zoo. I saw the baby elephant and it was so cute but I could not get a good pic of it but here are some others:



Lizard thing:

Meercat (they are so cute!)


It was heaps of fun and we had good weather for once, not to hot or cold and best of all no rain.
08 May 2010 @ 12:38 pm
We are going to the zoo today to see the new baby elephant!